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Overwhelm, at the helm...
11/11/2022
IN WHAT I LIKE to refer to as my first properly thought-out adult decision, I found myself at art school ostensibly to pursue graphic design. And after the not uncommon trials and tribulations therein, I graduated with a bachelors degree in illustration, feeling like I had somehow missed the boat. However, in the last semester of school I had found myself taking only fine art related classes, including life drawing and painting, etc., and this was the most fun I had had in the four year course!
But the fine art stopped there. My illustration portfolio helped me attain my first job, where I was illustrating and designing ad banners for the early days of the internet, and this led me to becoming what was a new discipline at the time, a “web designer”.
Post art school, I kept thinking that I would start making art soon. I always found myself in in museums, bookstores looking at books and magazines of art and design and architecture. I even rented studio space a couple of times over the years… but for a crippling perfectionism, and uncertainty about what to draw and paint, I could never seem to make it work. There is so much incredible art in the world, i find it all so inspiring, but mostly, the more artwork I saw over the years, the talent, the scope, the ideas, the beauty, the brilliance... the more intimidated, the more afraid that I had nothing to say, the more afraid of failure, the more overwhelmed I became.
I gave up...
But the fine art stopped there. My illustration portfolio helped me attain my first job, where I was illustrating and designing ad banners for the early days of the internet, and this led me to becoming what was a new discipline at the time, a “web designer”.
Post art school, I kept thinking that I would start making art soon. I always found myself in in museums, bookstores looking at books and magazines of art and design and architecture. I even rented studio space a couple of times over the years… but for a crippling perfectionism, and uncertainty about what to draw and paint, I could never seem to make it work. There is so much incredible art in the world, i find it all so inspiring, but mostly, the more artwork I saw over the years, the talent, the scope, the ideas, the beauty, the brilliance... the more intimidated, the more afraid that I had nothing to say, the more afraid of failure, the more overwhelmed I became.
I gave up...
How does one make art in this state? How does one overcome this crippling doubt and fear? How does one end up with a style, a medium, ideas for what to make art about, where oh where does one begin?
Some times things begin when you give up…
I had long been seeking change, and was really grasping at straws, when In the summer of 2019, I had a “lightning strike” moment. See my next post about how I survived a lightning strike for more on how I was able to start making art. Suffice it to say, this moment inspired me to get a studio space to see what would happen.
I saw something in that “lightning strike” moment, a series of lines. I stopped looking at other peoples art for a long time, in order to avoid the overwhelm, and In the studio, I played with these lines, and pushed them around into different compositions, making shapes, with light and shadow, hundreds of drawings, one flowing into the next. I found that I was making stuff from nothing, and I was creating a language of flat shapes and forms.
Some times things begin when you give up…
I had long been seeking change, and was really grasping at straws, when In the summer of 2019, I had a “lightning strike” moment. See my next post about how I survived a lightning strike for more on how I was able to start making art. Suffice it to say, this moment inspired me to get a studio space to see what would happen.
I saw something in that “lightning strike” moment, a series of lines. I stopped looking at other peoples art for a long time, in order to avoid the overwhelm, and In the studio, I played with these lines, and pushed them around into different compositions, making shapes, with light and shadow, hundreds of drawings, one flowing into the next. I found that I was making stuff from nothing, and I was creating a language of flat shapes and forms.
I then felt I should try to paint some of the better drawings, and I had a left over box of oil pastels from my art school days back in the 90’s, with a limited color range, and from those, only a handful of them would work together harmoniously. Then I proceeded to create my first finished pieces of artwork! Sometimes, maybe most times, limitations can be our salvation!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I was happy with the strange looking things, they had a mysterious and tranquil quality, and the process of making them was a breakthrough! What I learned is that my ideas come from the process, from drawing, drawing and drawing, creating limitations, or tools to set myself up for success, like a 9x9 grid, or 16x16 grid, using minimal colors, and simple lines and shapes. I also learned that my life experience has a way of showing up in the feeling of my work without intention, and that I do have something to say, even if it is only a feeling.